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Not So Sunnydale

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[04 Aug 2004|11:22am]

Ever wake up and feel like a brand new person? Well, today that's me.

The sun is brighter, the sky is bluer, the demons are -- well, the demons don't really seem to be around at the moment. Which is very much of the good. Heck, it's of the terrific!

It's totally boring.

But hey, it's only boring during patrol-time. Right now? While I'm slathering my bagel with cream cheese and debating which affordable yet snazzy pair of heels will look best with my jeans? I'm a very happy Buffy. A very happy, blissfully bored, idly-wondering-what-to-do-when-my-totally-free-perfectly-normal-afternoon-rolls-around Buffy.

Ooo! I know! Dawn! We have dinner with Xander tonight, but I haven't really seen much of her in ages. Since I'm feeling all benevolent and cheery, maybe I'll talk Dawn into doing something fun this afternoon. Something very Girl Time. If she and Kennedy surface for air long enough... Granted, she might not *want* to surface for air...

Okay. I'm so not going there.

Anyway, sister time this afternoon, sister/Xander family time this evening -- could life get much better?

Here's foolishly hoping it lasts!
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[29 Apr 2004|01:48pm]

Spring is in the air. Summer is coming soon.

Work is good. Things are quiet.

Big bad must be coming soon. Cause things are good now and they like to ruin it.

Always happens. Anyways...on to the good.

Buff may get upset, but I checked Dawnie out of school today. I feel I haven't been able to spend time with her lately cause she's always at Kennedy's. I know what they're doing. Their not kids, so they can do what they want...as long as its legal.

It was fun. Took her for pizza, we talked about everything that happened, what she wants to do after she graduates.

"I miss this," I told her.

"We see each other all the time Xand."

"No, we don't. You're almost always with Kennedy or in school. I'm at work or patrolling with Buff, making up for our lost year. I miss hanging out with you. Since you and Kennedy got together I feel like I never get to see you cause you two are doing God knows what...and while in most cases idea appeals to me, I don't wanna know what."

She smiled a little.

"Just could use some more Dawnie time. And Willow and Tara and Katie time too. Miss my girls."

"Miss you too Xand. We'll try to make more time for all of you."


After lunch we went to the arcade. She is great in "The House of the Dead 2". My army memory may have gone, but still had the instincts and Dawn was great backup. We almost beat the game, but I ran out of quarters on the last level.

Went to Willow and Tara's house after I dropped Dawn off at home. Arrived there just as they got home from getting Katie at school.

"Uncle Xandy!"

She ran and jumped into my arms. "Katie Bear!" I kissed her all over her face. "How's my bestest little girl?"

"I'm great. I got an A in Math. Mommy Willow and Tara are happy."

"That's my smart little Katie," I said with a smile. "Wills. Tara."

I kissed Willow on her forehead and Tara on her cheek. "How are my girls?"

"Great. Miss our boy is all," Willow said.

"Boy? Think Tara can say with certainty I'm all man."

She blushed beet red.

"Kidding Tara, you know I have to make those jokes."

After hanginging with them and Katie I went home to shower. Like smelling good when I go see Buffy.

Her, Dawnie and I are all going to dinner, just the three of us. We're even taking a night off from slaying to watch bad movies. Great times with my girls coming.

- Xander
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[14 Apr 2004|11:56am]

*rebooting system*

*accessing files*

*blinks rapidly and opens eyes*

I am now back on-line. Willow finally fixed me up. I am better now.

The other me is happy again. He is with Buffy. They are finally back together. They are most happy. They have lots of sex.

That reminds me to find Annie. We can have lots of sex. I miss having sex with her. I will lots of sex with her in our room, and Katies sandbox.

Katie doesn't like us having sex there. It upsets her. But it is a fun place to have sex. I like sex. Sex is good.

I will go find Annie so we can have sex now.

- Alex
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My life is normal for once! [14 Apr 2004|01:20am]

[ mood | chipper ]

You know, sometimes Annie is a major pain in the butt... but other times she's totally fun! She's just like a Katie. I can teach her stuff and then she acts out what I teach her and it's almost cool in a way. I don't think Buffy and Willow will appreciate me teaching Annie how to lie but I'm so enjoying it until Willow decides to reprogram her again. I think she killed Alex too but she's such a good liar that I have no idea if the story she told me was true or not!

Luckily, I've been so busy hanging out with either Tara or Kennedy that I haven't seen much of Willow or Buffy at all. Buffy is totally screwing the brains out of Xander. They really need to learn how to be quiet. Whenever Katie is over she sits by their doorway giggling and when I ask her what's so funny she says it's her Uncle Xandy and Aunt Buffy exercising. For a six year old, she sure is observant. I think she might be needing that birds and bees chat sooner than most kids. I got mine from reading Buffy's diary!

That silly easter egg hunt from a few days was actually pretty amusing. Kennedy and I acted like we were looking for eggs and then made out in the bushes where no one could see us. We were being so sly, it was so cool! Buffy, Willow, Tara, and Xander had no idea! I think Katie did though because later on she was looking for us and singing that dumb K-I-S-S-I-N-G song. She is so majorly bratty sometimes. At least Buffy's too much of an airhead to realize what it meant Katie saw us doing! She was way too busy doing some K-I-S-S-I-N-G of her own with Xander. God, get a room!

In other news in the life of Dawn, I talked to Tara. We did the mocha talk and I'm still a little scared about that four letter word but I'm a little more confident now about it. Tara is like the all knowing romance girl, if she thinks Kennedy wouldn't run when I said it, I'm totally going to trust her. Tara is the best! Maybe we could like, go out on some romantic dinner when Buffy isn't kicking Kennedy's ass into training and then when we're sharing a sundae (since I can never finish mine and isn't it oh so romantic to share a dessert anyway?) I'll say it. I'm totally giddy just thinking about it!

I'll ask Anya what is the best kind of aphrodisiac dessert. I heard chocolate is one so maybe I'll get a hot fudge brownie sundae or something. Those kind are the best. All that fudge and the brownie and the whipped cream... total yum factor right there! Kennedy always lets me have the cherry too. No comments from the peanut gallery about cherries, please. We already did it so there! No more cherries to worry about... and I so need to shut up now. When did I become such a pervert? I blame it on Buffy being a bad influence.

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Easter Bunny! [11 Apr 2004|05:05am]

[ mood | excited ]

Yesterday my mommies took me shopping! They said that I needed new clothes for the summer because some of my old summer clothes doesn't fit me anymore because I'm getting to be a big girl and I keep getting bigger and bigger and bigger! I had to get brand new sandals because my feet are getting real big!

I hope that I get as tall as my Auntie Dawnie. She is taller than both my mommies AND Auntie Buffy! She's even taller than Aunt Faith and Aunt Faith always says that she is big and tough even if Auntie Dawn is bigger than her. My Aunt Faith is silly!

My new sandals are pink because pink is the best color in the whole wide world. I bought a pink sundress too and pink shorts and a pink and white striped shirt. I get to wear my dress tomorrow because it is Easter and I have to look pretty when we go to the mall to see the Easter bunny. I get to sit on his lap and there will be nice people who will take my picture like how the elves took my picture when I saw Santa at the mall.

I'm going to go on an egg hunt too! There's one at the park for all the little kids and big kids too. My mommies are taking me after we go see the Easter Bunny and Auntie Dawn and Kennedy are coming too and Uncle Xandy! We're going to have the bestest time ever and I bet we find more eggs than anybody else because my mommies are witches and Aunt Buffy is the slayer. My Uncle Xandy also knows all the best hiding spots because he said he helped build the playground here and knows all the secret spots.

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Love just is [10 Apr 2004|06:49pm]

[ mood | calm ]

I've fallen back into a routine once more. The lack of beasties on the Hellmouth have made life incredibly easy lately. Sometimes I wonder what is better. In a way, I love the normalcy that comes with not battling an apocalypse. I love being able to make love to my Willow in the heat of the night, our sound spell in tact to keep Katie safe from hearing us when we "exercise". I love listening to our daughter's stories about school and how well she is liked by all the other little children.

Normalcy is good for Katie. I know she's seen more than other children her age, but she's still a well rounded little girl that still looks at the world with the innocent eyes of a child. I always swore that my children would have a better life than I had. So far, I'm fulfilling that promise. Katie is aware of the dangers that lie outside but her attitude is so care free that one would never know that she's been the center of a witch's evil plot and that she's seen her share of vampires and demons no matter how hard we try to shield her from life on what we tell Katie is the `Heckmouth`.

The other day Dawn asked me if we could go out for mochas. Naturally, I said a big yep to that. Mocha time with our Dawnie is always muchly needed. Now that she's entered the adult world of romance, she needs a little guidance now and then. I'm far from a genius but thanks to my vixen, I was given the chance to experience love in a way I never thought possible.

"So, Dawnie, what's on the conversational menu today?" I asked once we'd settled down at the table with our mochas in hand. We opted for the frozen kind due to the very warm air around us. Summer is well on its way.

Dawnie bites her lip in reply, looking at me thoughtfully. "We-ell," she started, in that cute teenage sort of way of making one syllable words end up having two. "It's about Kennedy."

Her face gave nothing away and I felt my heart drop for a moment. Oh goddess, I hope they didn't have a fight. I swallowed and continued with my line of questioning, "Wh-what about her?"

"Okay, so, this is probably going to sound totally weird and in the category of way too soon, but... how do you know if you love someone? Like love love, could have a big gay wedding with someone... when you're both twenty five of course, love."

She smiled at me, big and toothy at the twenty five years old part. She should know that I'm not Buffy and while I don't exactly condone getting married before you can legally buy alcohol, I won't judge Dawnie for anything she says here. All I can do is give her my opinion and my love and hope she makes what choices are right for her in her heart of hearts.

"I... I guess you just have to ask yourself if she's the first thing you think about when you wake in the morning and the last thing you think about when you fall asleep. Love is all consuming. It's beautiful and it's painful and it's like a big ole tornado of emotions whirling around you until all you want to do is stay wrapped up in the embrace of your other half for all of time and then some."

I couldn't help but smile dreamily to myself as I thought about Willow and how intense it was when we first met and were in those early stages of becoming something more than friends.

"Wow Tara," Dawnie gasped, breaking me from my happy daze. "I never heard you talk about something so confidently before. I think I like this Tara!"

I smiled softly at her in return. I did too. "I think I like her too," I admit before placing the spotlight back where it belonged. "Does that help you any, Dawnie?"

She nodded vigorously at me, the confused look from before nearly gone from her features. "I think so. I mean, maybe it isn't that deep yet, but I do dream about her... and us... and I think about her all the time. I just don't know if I tell her or not. What if she doesn't feel the same? I don't want to seem like some crazed fangirl or something."

I giggled slightly at that. I didn't mean to but sometimes you find humor in situations that aren't exactly funny in conventional ways. I think all couples go through this should I or shouldn't I debate. Someone has to be the brave one or else the words will never spill from anyone's lips.

"Trust me, Dawn," I said, taking Dawn's hand in mine. "If you feel this strongly then I bet Kennedy feels the same. You just have to work up the courage to tell her how you feel. I'm sure she's just as frightened as you are, sweetie."


"Really," I nodded confidently.

We shared a smile then, our frozen mochas had already begin to melt long ago and now we'd have to make with some quick slurping if we were to salvage these. I wasn't sure if Dawnie would end up telling kennedy her feelings or not, I just hoped that I added some clarity to the situation. I know that I couldn't wait to get home to my vixen to say some `I love you`s of my very own.

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Lying [08 Apr 2004|01:19am]

[ mood | chipper ]

My new lying program is working very well. I love my sister Dawn. That is not a lie. It is a truth. I lied that I did not have sex in the dirtbox. I lied that I did not cook 12 eggs and tried to feed them to the cat child Miss Katie Fantastico. I lied that I did not then use the eggs in sex with Alex. Alex ate eggs off my body. Now he is dysfunctional. I am sad. I miss my boyfriend Alex. He went to sleep and has not awakened.

I cannot have sex with Alex if he is asleep. It would be equal to performing sexual acts with a dead perosn. That is called necrophilia. I had sex with a dead person. Spike is technically dead. I am a necrophiliac. Other me is necrophiliac too. She had sex with Angel, who is also dead. His hair sticks up and he is bloody stupid. Spike taught me to say that. I no longer love Spike. I love Alex.

My sister Dawn said I should play a new game. It is called hide and seek. I will hide and she will find me. We played today. My internal clock tells me that she took 3 hours and 27 minutes to find me. She is not a good seeker. The President Kennedy was not very helpful either. They are equally inadequate at performing the task of the seeker. I will teach this new game to Miss Katie Fantastico. I will seek her.

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A date. A date where I don't have to kill a boy. Aren't you shocked? [04 Apr 2004|01:20pm]

[ mood | happy ]

I know, you all missed me writing in this thing didn't you?

Really, I haven't written too much lately, because it's been ridiculously quiet. Even the vamps appear to have gone on Spring Break or something. Makes me wonder where they go really? It's not like they can go anywhere sunshiney. But hey, that makes my job easier doesn't it?

Willow and Tara are off doing a lot of things with Katie lately. Dawn's been busy with Kennedy and I think even Anya's been doing her thing at the Magic Shop. Could it be we've all settled into some normalcy?

Even for me?

Anyway Xander had stopped over the other day and we finally went on a date. A real date. I don't even remember the last time we went on one. And he's the one who had amnesia, so go fig right?

I didn't think we needed to do anything huge. Besides, it's nice to just spend some quiet time with Xand. So dinner and a movie I thought. And I know it's terribly cheesy, but come on I'm a sucker for Julia Stiles, so I thought, The Prince and Me would be good.

I had my prince you know. He may not be all suave like Prince William but he's a prince to me.

So yeah, we went out for the movie, though I don't remember watching much of it. You all can fill in your imagination. What can I say, it was nice to reconnect.

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[06 Mar 2004|10:20pm]

[ mood | good ]

Everything seems more together now.

My memory is restored and I'm with the woman I love again.

I got off work early today, so I thought I'd surprise her at home. Annie answered the door.

"Hello Xander. Are you done with your construction for the day? Are you here to have sex with the other me? The other me misses sex and wishes to partake in this act with you. But not the other you. Alex is mine. I love Alex. He is very muscley. Much like you are."

She smiled that wide smile I've loved so much on Buffy. I couldn't help but smile and laugh. I was in a better mood as of late.

"Just here to talk to Buff Anne."

"Okay. I will go find Alex and have sex with him."

As she walked off I called out after her, "Just stop doing it in the sandbox!"

But she was out of earshot. "Katie Bear hates that."

I walked into the kitchen and saw Buffy mopping while listening to music with her headset. I walked behind her and tapped her on her shoulder. She spun around and swept me off my feet with the mop and and held a defensive stance.


"Oh, Xander. I'm sorrry sweetie."

She took off the headphones, placed down the mop and helped me up.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," I said leaning against the island. "I'm good."

She stood on her tippy toes and kissed me softly. "You know better than sneaking up on a slayer. You get hurt everytime you try."

"Tell me about it," I said rubbing my head.

I wrapped my arms around her. "We need to go out on a date."

"Mhmm. Guess we've been so busy trying to settle back into the relationship we forgot the simplest thing. It has been rather quiet lately."

"And if the hellmouth has taught us anything...its that there's nothing like a date with a slayer to bring out the evil."

She chuckeled and leaned on my shoulder. "Knew it would be too good to last."

"We'll kick its ass and enjoy the rest of our date if it happens."

"And what do you have planned for the end of the date Mr. Harris?"

"Whatever you want Miss Summers."

After being gushy for a while I went to Willows. Willow was picking up Katie so that gave me some time with Tara. Its always good talking to her. Katie came home and bout attacked me with hugs. I love that girl so much. Growing up fast too. One day she's a kitten, next minute she's a human going off to college.

Our lives are stranger than most people. *laughs*

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[05 Mar 2004|03:29am]

[ mood | determined ]

I woke up and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and yawned. Another day, another dollar, or some stupid saying like that. I sat up and stretched and eventually stood up and got changed. As soon as I got into my clothes I teleported over to the Magic Box, I was already late.

I arrived there in a mid yawn and unlocked the door and began to get ready for the day. It's been so slow around here lately, it feels like no one comes around anymore, not even the 'scoobies' drop by anymore. Perhaps they've slayed every single demon in town, except for me of course.

So, according to Halfrek, the demons are still calling me "Miss Soft Serve" but you know what? I could hardly care less. It's more fun being less with the killing, because I mean, I've kind of adjusted to not killing people, and reverting back to that could cause extreme amounts of stress.

I think I hear a customer coming in so, bye for now.

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Been a long time coming... [02 Mar 2004|05:42am]

[ mood | cheerful ]

Dear Journal,

Goodness! Willow broke our oven... now how are we supposed to cook anything other than spaghetti and macaroni and cheese? Poor Katie, I came home and she was all worried about the burnt cookies and thought we were going to starve. I had to assure my little sweetie pie that we could still make plenty of food without the oven... cookies will just have to be put on hold until Xander has free time on his hands. Willow has already called him and asked if he would be ever so kind as to fix our oven.

In the meantime, we've been trying to air the place out. The windows are open to let the fresh air and sunshine in. I love the smell of the world outside at this time of the year. I know most people don't think California has seasons, and they're right, it's mostly mild all year around, but there is always a period in the spring where we do get our fair share of April Showers... only they come in February and March. The air is slightly cool and fresh smelling, the overcast sky actually being a welcomed sight to my eyes.

I love curling up with Willow on the couch while the rain falls down outside and not the torrential downpour that Carademerda had brought, but a light drizzle that trickles ever so slightly against the windowpanes and makes a person just want to lie in bed all day listening to the sounds of the raindrops pelting the rooftop. With Willow at my side, I would happily lie in bed forever as if it were a daisy fresh pasture of green grass and the artificial glow of the lightbulbs is really the warm sun shining its rays down upon us.

Dawn came over the other day squealing about Buffy being a `cool big sister again`. I'm happy for her and Xander, happy that they are finally giving each other the chance they deserve to finally be together the way they always should have been. I believe they're a wonderful match. Xander knows how to cheer Buffy up in her worst of moods and gives her that sense of normalcy she feels the life of a slayer steals from her. Buffy shows Xander he can be strong without being Superman and Willow told me about his crush on her since high school. They should be very happy together.


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Pretty quiet around here [29 Feb 2004|12:43pm]

[ mood | bored ]

Well since I got back together with Xander, nothing new to report, which means I'm sure something big is about to happen.

So I guess it's just the usual patrol, slay, go eat, sleep breathe, maybe shop too. Dawn and Kennedy are getting along, Willow and Tara are well, you know the usual there. And I think Xander and I need some alone time. To you know, really reconnect.

I'm hoping he asks me to go out for dinner. It's been awhile since either of us really had some quiet time without me trying to fix his memory.

In fact I think one of the only times I get to really talk to him is on patrol. That's got to change. I'm trying to make this work again. There's no other boy in the world like Xander. He makes me laugh, he's always been there for me, and he's the one who wants to stick it out, which is more than I can say for my previous boyfriends.

Okay maybe that wasn't fair. I can't really talk about Riley or Angel in that sense of the word. But my track record in relationships isn't that great.

It's nice honestly to be around someone who appreciates me. All of me. Not just the parts that they want, but the parts they need.

I know this is just such a boring entry, but really, since when am I an exciting gal when I'm not slaying?

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Lots of Blahness [24 Feb 2004|04:34pm]

[ mood | content ]

There has been so much going on lately in Sunnydale, it's been hard to keep up. Dawn and I are stronger than ever. I think now that Buffy and Xander are back together, it's taken a lot of the pressure off Dawn and I. We can finally act like ourselves around Buffy. It's nice not having to look over your shoulder everytime you give your girlfriend a kiss.

Xander is the happiest he's been in a really long time. I always see him humming and smiling, and just acting like a big goof ball. It's great! It was a drag seeing him pout and lust over Buffy. It was even a bigger drag seeing Buffy pout and lust over Xander. Now they can turn all their lustiness into full throttle getting it on action!

Dawn is working at the Magic Box again. I love Dawn to death, but it creeps me out everytime I have to go in there. The merchandise just gives me the willies. It's just a personal opinion but I've always thought that things like newt eyes should be left in the newt.

If the stuff in the store didn't bother me enough, I have to talk to Anya everytime I go in too. She's a really nice person, but sometimes her sarcasm and love of money gets kind of annoying. Maybe it's just me. No, actually I think she gets on pretty much everyone's nerves.

Since after first semester I decided to go ahead and drop out of school to focus on training, I've been really bored. Dawn is at school all day, and everyone else pretty much has regular jobs. I just walk around town all day, and do nothing. Well I train, but that gets old quickly.

Anyway, time to raid the fridge. All this doing nothing really builds up an appetite.

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Want vampires to slay! [16 Feb 2004|04:28pm]

[ mood | blank ]

I am bored. There are no demons to fight. I am the slayer. I am supposed to slay things. There is nothing to slay. Other me slays all the vampires while I stay home and cook. Maybe I should ask Willow for a new outfit. I watched a television program where the woman who cooks and cleans wears a special outfit. I feel like I am similar to her. We should wear the same outfit.

Other me and my friend Xander, who builds things, are kissing again. I wonder if they are having sex. Alex and I have sex everyday. Other us should have sex too. We will tell them how to have good sex. Alex pleases me greatly. I have many orgasms! He is a good orgasm friend. Alex will teach Xander how to be a good orgasm friend to other me.

There is no other news to report. My database is empty. I need new data to fill it. I shall walk around the neighborhood now to learn new gossip about other people. I will tell other me I am going out to slay evil fiends. She will not stop me from doing that. Lying is a new progam I have learned. My sister Dawn taught me. I love my sister Dawn.

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The L Word [13 Feb 2004|03:25pm]

[ mood | confused ]

Oh my god! I am so excited! Buffy and Xander are finally back together! Yay! It took them long enough. God, I swear, if they hadn't done something soon I so would have set them up on a blind date with each other and made sure they finally worked out their differences and got over what Xander did when he wasn't really Xander.

I mean, he had amnesia! How was he supposed to know who he loved and who he just thought was hot apart? Boys like to think with their hormones, not their brains! And since Xander's brain was already mush, of course he would listen to his, you know, instead.

It's good to have everything back to normal. The bitch has left the building and now nice Buffy is back. Hello my sister, I have missed you! Of course, she's still a little wiggy on me and Kennedy sometimes but I guess that's just something she'll have to get over with in time. I don't plan on breaking up with Kennedy soon, so Buffy has all the time in the world to get used to the two of us together.

I've been back to work at The Magic Shop again. Anya is well... Anya. I really don't understand why people think she's so bad. She's really really funny and she always gives me the best sex tips! She's the only one I really feel like I can talk about that kind of stuff with. Buffy is a big obvious no when it comes to talking about sex. It's not like she has the best track record either!

I could talk to Willow and Tara but they might tell Buffy on me. Not purposely, but Willow likes to babble and it could accidentally come out! Besides, I think Kennedy and I go at it a little more rougher than Willow and Tara. I kind of picture their sex as all soft and flowery and kind of well... boring. Anya is good for adventurous sex! And I know that she would never, ever tell Buffy on me!

I swear I am not a sex-crazed teenager! I just like to show my girlfriend that I love her. Oh my god! Did I just say I love Kennedy? Whoa. Okay, now I'm a little freaked here. I mean, duh, of course I like her, but I never said I loved her before. Do I love her? God, I think I might.

This is totally weird. I've never loved anyone but my family before! Even Xander and Spike were just silly crushes that hurt at the time, but I'm so over both of them and definitely did NOT love them. Then there was Scott and he was a total cutie but then I kind of stopped liking him because I suddenly decided that hey, I like girls now!

Maybe I should talk to Anya about this. Would she understand? I'm not sure. She's mostly a lusty kind of person. I could talk to Tara... she wouldn't tell on me accidentally and she knows all about love. Wow. I am so totally confused! Or maybe I should just, go have a romantic evening with Kennedy and if it turns out I love her, maybe I'll just tell her! So many options... so many.... Ugh! Maybe I'll just sleep on it. My mind is a whirlwind right now.

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Silly Mommy! [11 Feb 2004|03:09pm]

[ mood | giggly ]

My Willow mommy is silly! She's a grown up but I don't think she should be allowed to use the oven. She burned my cookies! I asked mommy for cookies and she said okay and then all of the sudden there was smoke and our house got real stinky. It was yucky! Me and my Tara Mommy had to spray flowery smelling stuff all over the apartment and then my mommies lit yummy smelling candles but it still didn't make all the stinky go away so we had to open our windows.

Uncle Xandy needs to come over and fix it. Now we can't cook anything in our oven. My mommies have been making lots of spaghetti and macaroni and cheese for lunch and dinner since we don't need to use the oven for that. We have grilled cheese sandwiches too! They are my new favorite food to eat for dinner,

Uncle Xandy and Auntie Buffy were kissing when we visited them yesterday. I said EWWWWWWWW and ran far far away because it was yucky! Then I saw Dawn and Kennedy kissing and said EWWWWWWWW again. Why is everybody kissing? I need somebody to kiss too. I wish I could kiss Zac but he doesn't like kissing. Maybe I should ask my mommies for a pet. Then I could kiss that instead!

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Why I shouldn't be cooking [08 Feb 2004|12:57pm]

[ mood | burnedcookieish ]

It's been quiet, which I'm glad to hear about actually. Because everyone needs a little quiet. Buffy called me up rather excitedly the other day talking about Xander, which means maybe there's happiness in the land again!

Okay maybe I'm getting ahead of myself and all but, it's nice to see. At least Buffy will be in better spirits.

And Katie said that Alex and Annie were doing things in her sandbox. Goddess, I swear, this is all I do. I fix them, they break. And me, little old me, has to constantly reprogram. You would think I'd start getting paid for this. There. I said, it. I deserve some kind of monetary compensation. Sheesh, do you think I'm beginning to sound like Anya here? Please don't tell me I am. But that programming is so tricky. One wrong wire and Annie will start thinking she's a hooker or something. Okay, you DID not hear me say that.

And that being said, remind me never to cook in our kitchen again. I mean, okay so here's what happened.

Katie wanted more cookies after the ones we baked for Callie and so there we were with some extra dough laying about. Tara had gone out to pick up some things from the grocery store. "Mommy, can I have some more?"

"Sweetheart, you already ate enough chocolate chips. Maybe tomorrow." I tried to wrap the dough up.

"But mommy, please! I promise not to get a tummy ache! I promise!"

I looked at Katie's pleading eyes. Like I can just resist them. Tara is so much better at this then I am. Not giving in to temptations from little children. But I swear baby there wasn't that much dough left!

"Alright, but don't tell Tara I gave you any extra okay? Because she'll get a little mad that you had enough sugar okay?" I kneeled down and gave her a little kiss on the cheek.

"Yay! I love you mommy!" she threw her hands around me. Tiny hands. She's growing up so quickly. Pretty soon she'll make her own cookies.

And so I put the remaining dough on the cookie sheet and we went into the living room to watch some tv. And I guess I was tired cause I started to drift off with Katie in my lap and then all of a sudden I smelled something burning. "Mommy, mommy wake up!" I felt Katie shaking me.

Oh no! The cookies!

So then we ran in the kitchen. I grabbed some pot holders. Egads, the cookies were now black. I coughed with the smoke from the oven.

"Mommy," Katie frowned at me. "Why are the cookies black?"

I tilted my head slightly pursing my lips together. "Because they are extra crispy."

And the oven is kind of smokey. Tara's going to be upset. I swear, this wasn't my idea! Okay I'm not blaming Katie!

And now Xander's going to have to come over and fix the oven.

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I think I'm happy now [01 Feb 2004|12:29pm]

[ mood | happy ]

I had a million thoughts in my head. Xander had done his usual speech for the ages around me, and brought me flowers. I knew however he had thought about this for a long while. Superstrength to save the world, I thought. Would be nice if I had some super powers to save a relationship every so often, ya know? Not to much to ask. Or maybe it is.

I leaned against the kitchen counter with my elbows bent and stared at the boy before me. He wasn't really a boy anymore. He wasn't the boy he was in high school that first day I saw him. He had kind of grown into this goofy man who was persistent enough to stick through with me.

I took a deep breath. "You think you can just waltz in here and give me flowers and a speech and think it's going to be that easy?"

"No, of..course not, Buffy, I know I have to earn back your trust." He looked at me pleading. I could feel it. Don't need Slayer sense to know he missed me.

I walked closer to him and paced a bit, entertwining my own fingers. "Things get complicated in my life. And I'm not even talking about the Slaying, because that's a given. I'm talking about me." I turned around to look at him. "I know what you want. You want to spend the rest of your life with me Xander. And I wish, I wish I could give that to you. Give you the nice normal and quiet life. I can't though. I'm thinking that even if I wasn't a Slayer and all chosen maybe I'd still be in this spot. Maybe I'd still be running. Nothing in my life is ever so simple as the roses and the jokes you make me laugh at."

"I know Buff, I know," he looked down at his shoes. His scruffed up shoes that I got so used to seeing. I let my eyes wander around him, to his tussled hair. Xander hair. This was the man I always loved. He just wanted to go over the top in his own Xander way. He needed to know something.

I stopped pacing and just walked over to him. I sat on his lap and lifted his chin and kissed him softly. He tried to speak and I put one finger to his mouth. "Shh. This is me. Being simple."

I kissed him again. I tasted his lips for the first time in months. I remembered why I loved him in the first place. Because he was simply Xander. Simply what I needed. I figured out what was so complicated. Him, not being in my life.

I kissed him again, a bit more fully wrapping my arms around his neck. I ran my fingers softly through his hair. "Xander, I love you. I love the fact your simple. You don't need to be the hero of this piece. You don't need to get me flowers. Though that's nice. Just be you."

And then Dawn burst into the kitchen. "So does this mean you two are back together?" She squealed.

I rubbed my nose against Xander. "Maybe. Yes."

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Home Sweet Home [27 Jan 2004|09:59pm]

[ mood | hopeful ]

After weeks...hell almost a year away from here and now I'm back on a more permanent basis.

With my amnesia I wasn't really there mentally. I did things I'm not proud of. Things I may not be able to fix. Just know I have to at least try. I got home Monday night, I called my sister, leaving her a message letting her know I was back.

Then I went to the nearest flowershop. If I was going to do this, I was going to do it right.

I knocked on Buffy's door hoping she hadn't gone patrolling yet. Dawn answered the door.

"Going to have to do more than flowers. I expect you two to kiss and get over this already."

"Hello to you too Dawn. But its not as easy as that. A lesson I'm sure you're going to learn one day. Buffy here?"

"Upstairs getting ready to go patrolling with Kennedy. I'll go get her."

I sat on the couch in the living room for what felt like an hour even though it was only five minutes. I didn't even know what I was going to say. Made a few speeches in my head, but nothing sounded good enough. When she walked into the living room, my heart stopped.

"Hey. You're back."

"Yeah," I said standing. "Done in LA and if I'm lucky never have to go back for that long again."

"We all missed you. Katie's gonna be happp to see you again."

"Yeah. Miss my little shortcake."

"How'd things go?"

"Good. We built the new addition, though I think Angel and his crew might want to keep a look out. They brought in some artifacts that may or may not take part in hellmouth related activities."

That brought a small smile to her face. Then she noticed the flowers.

"Those for me?"

"Was going to give them to Annie, but think she wouldn't know what to do with them. So, yeah. They're for you."

We went into the kitchen so she could put them in water.

"So," she said. "I guess this is where we stand in an uncomfortable silence till you crack a joke to lighten the mood and we have a heart to heart?"

"Guess so."

She nodded. I tried to think of what to say, or how to start. It got quiet for a minute.

"For some reason I have 'Keep on swimming, keep on swimming' stuck in my head. Damn Katie making me see 'Finding Nemo'," I said to break the silence.


I nodded.

"Okay," I said. "Here it goes. I can't ask you to forgive what I did these past few months while I had amnesia. I made mistakes and I doubt after everything with Faith you'll want to get back together. But I think after losing my memory, I didn't want to remember us because on a subconsious level, I knew it'd only bring me pain. I loved...love you so much. The moment I saw you, I knew you were the one for me. Could chalk it up to boyhood crush, but most guys wouldn't risk going one on one with the Master to help their crush. When we finally got together...I was happier than I ever thought possible. I never thought it was possible to stay happy that long on the hellmouth. We had our tiffs. And last year, it was like one thing after another. I just think they're tests the PtB are throwing our way to see if we can make it. I know we can make it Buff. I've lost your trust. That's my fault. I'll get it back. I know I can. I just...I want to be with you. I miss holding you in my arms, kissing you, just being with you. I love you Buffy and if you think we can work this out, tell me. If not, I'll learn to accept it in time."

I took her hands in mine and brought them to my lips.

"So what do you say Buff...get back together? Take things slow? Rebuild what we had?"

"Xander. Sit," she said nodding to the bar stool.

I did. "My turn to have the floor."

- Xander

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Yay school! [22 Jan 2004|02:24am]

[ mood | cheerful ]

Yesterday my mommies were baking cookies when I came home from school. We all licked the bowl together! It was yummy! I love cookie dough. My mommies said I couldn't eat the cookies because they were for Auntie Callie. They were giving her a special treat because she babysat me. Aren't my mommies nice?

I am happy to be back in school. I missed all of my friends but now I can see them again and my nice teacher. I love second grade! It's the bestest. It is a lot funner than first grade because now we can read better books now that we can read bigger words. I'm in the highest level reading group! I always get gold stars.

Tomorrow I am going to give the cookies we baked to Aunti Callie. I hope she likes them! My mommies let me wrap the cookies up in tin foil! It was very fun. Annie and Alex are exercising in my sand box again. I hope my Willow mommy fixes them again so they won't. I miss playing in my sandbox.

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