I've fallen back into a routine once more. The lack of beasties on the Hellmouth have made life incredibly easy lately. Sometimes I wonder what is better. In a way, I love the normalcy that comes with not battling an apocalypse. I love being able to make love to my Willow in the heat of the night, our sound spell in tact to keep Katie safe from hearing us when we "exercise". I love listening to our daughter's stories about school and how well she is liked by all the other little children.
Normalcy is good for Katie. I know she's seen more than other children her age, but she's still a well rounded little girl that still looks at the world with the innocent eyes of a child. I always swore that my children would have a better life than I had. So far, I'm fulfilling that promise. Katie is aware of the dangers that lie outside but her attitude is so care free that one would never know that she's been the center of a witch's evil plot and that she's seen her share of vampires and demons no matter how hard we try to shield her from life on what we tell Katie is the `Heckmouth`.
The other day Dawn asked me if we could go out for mochas. Naturally, I said a big yep to that. Mocha time with our Dawnie is always muchly needed. Now that she's entered the adult world of romance, she needs a little guidance now and then. I'm far from a genius but thanks to my vixen, I was given the chance to experience love in a way I never thought possible.
"So, Dawnie, what's on the conversational menu today?" I asked once we'd settled down at the table with our mochas in hand. We opted for the frozen kind due to the very warm air around us. Summer is well on its way.
Dawnie bites her lip in reply, looking at me thoughtfully. "We-ell," she started, in that cute teenage sort of way of making one syllable words end up having two. "It's about Kennedy."
Her face gave nothing away and I felt my heart drop for a moment. Oh goddess, I hope they didn't have a fight. I swallowed and continued with my line of questioning, "Wh-what about her?"
"Okay, so, this is probably going to sound totally weird and in the category of way too soon, but... how do you know if you love someone? Like love love, could have a big gay wedding with someone... when you're both twenty five of course, love."
She smiled at me, big and toothy at the twenty five years old part. She should know that I'm not Buffy and while I don't exactly condone getting married before you can legally buy alcohol, I won't judge Dawnie for anything she says here. All I can do is give her my opinion and my love and hope she makes what choices are right for her in her heart of hearts.
"I... I guess you just have to ask yourself if she's the first thing you think about when you wake in the morning and the last thing you think about when you fall asleep. Love is all consuming. It's beautiful and it's painful and it's like a big ole tornado of emotions whirling around you until all you want to do is stay wrapped up in the embrace of your other half for all of time and then some."
I couldn't help but smile dreamily to myself as I thought about Willow and how intense it was when we first met and were in those early stages of becoming something more than friends.
"Wow Tara," Dawnie gasped, breaking me from my happy daze. "I never heard you talk about something so confidently before. I think I like this Tara!"
I smiled softly at her in return. I did too. "I think I like her too," I admit before placing the spotlight back where it belonged. "Does that help you any, Dawnie?"
She nodded vigorously at me, the confused look from before nearly gone from her features. "I think so. I mean, maybe it isn't that deep yet, but I do dream about her... and us... and I think about her all the time. I just don't know if I tell her or not. What if she doesn't feel the same? I don't want to seem like some crazed fangirl or something."
I giggled slightly at that. I didn't mean to but sometimes you find humor in situations that aren't exactly funny in conventional ways. I think all couples go through this should I or shouldn't I debate. Someone has to be the brave one or else the words will never spill from anyone's lips.
"Trust me, Dawn," I said, taking Dawn's hand in mine. "If you feel this strongly then I bet Kennedy feels the same. You just have to work up the courage to tell her how you feel. I'm sure she's just as frightened as you are, sweetie."
"Really," I nodded confidently.
We shared a smile then, our frozen mochas had already begin to melt long ago and now we'd have to make with some quick slurping if we were to salvage these. I wasn't sure if Dawnie would end up telling kennedy her feelings or not, I just hoped that I added some clarity to the situation. I know that I couldn't wait to get home to my vixen to say some `I love you`s of my very own.